A list of this morning’s grievances

1. I am wearing sockettes which do not have decent heel grip so as I walk they slide off my heel and bunch up under my foot. (Quite frankly, this is rapidly escalating from grievance to crisis.)

2. My coffee is too milky. I made this morning’s BREW in my new, large keep cup and I got the milk-to-coffee ratio wrong. Milk-to-coffee ratios – ratia? – are a deeply personal thing so I won’t start a riot by attempting any mathematical definition here. In fact, I’m not sure I could even define it for just me. But wherever that line was, this coffee has stepped right over it and marched over the horizon like the 179 at the Alamo (according to that noted historian, Johnny Cash).

2a. Yes, I may not be legally trained but I’m charging right ahead with a sub-grievance. And it’s this: not having total recall of Johnny Cash lyrics so yer trying to remember the song about the soldiers stepping over the line but you know you can’t Google it on the wide wide world of webs because any search for Johnny Cash and lines is only going to return one thing so you have to sit there, staring into space, willing your Google-brain to return the result you want. (Which it did, eventually, which is good but the grievance still stands.)

2b. (I’m totally bush lawyer-ing here.) Spending so long on retrieving a dusty old reference from the archives of your memory and then writing about it that you forget what your third grievance was about.

…searches Google-brain fruitlessly…

…tries Bing-brain…

Found it! It’s over here!

3. Having to leave the haus before 8am on yer last day of hols because the cleaner is coming – wait, that’s not the actual grievance because middle-class privilege &c. – but it’s okay because you have a list of things you can be out and about doing but now you’re sitting in your car, sucking fretfully at your too-milky coffee like a babby at a withered nipple, and realising you’ve left the list at home.

I guess there’s nothing for it but to head to the green grocers and buy a bunch of fruit and veggies for the compost pile. Perhaps there should be a system where you go to the shops, purchase yer fresh produce, pay for it and hand it straight over to the person behind the till for immediate disposal. It would all seem so much more…..practical.